Here are some of the key benefits of a high EQ and 5 ways to build your child's emotional intelligence.
5 ways to build your child’s emotional intelligence
What do you think is more important? Having a child who gets perfect grades, or raising a child who is sensitive to the needs of others? My kids surprise me every day, with small and thoughtful gestures that show me not just how much they love me but also how observant they are and how much they care for those around them. Just a few weeks ago, I caught my son creeping into my bed in the middle of the night. It was the fourth night in a row that he had snuck in after I slept - without waking me and fallen asleep next to me.
And finally, on probing further my seven-year-old, I realised he was doing this because my husband was travelling, and he wanted me to know that I wasn't alone. “But there are no other humans in your bed, mom,” he explained, while I looked at him awestruck and dumbfounded.
We are a household that rewards and encourages our kids to be sensitive to those around them and to build emotional intelligence. That ranks much higher to me, in importance and relevance to the world around us in 2021 than academic skills.
This is just how it should be, with educators and academics now saying that EQ or a child's emotional intelligence quotient, is more important to the well-rounded development of a child than IQ or Intelligence Quotient.
Social intelligence skills like empathy, motivation, ability to accept failure, perseverance, adaptability, impulse control, coping mechanisms and the ability to delay gratification have a much larger impact on a person's life success than academic skills do.
In fact, ever since the groundbreaking book Emotional Intelligence was written by Psychologist Daniel Goleman and released in 1995, study after study has looked at the relationship between EQ and future success and shown that Emotional Intelligence not only predicts success in future relationships but also better health and quality of life. A higher EQ has been linked with better grades, staying in school longer, and overall healthier lifestyle choices.
What are the key benefits of a high EQ?
- High EQ is linked to a higher IQ: Kids who have higher emotional intelligence tend to do better on standardised testing and tend to perform better academically.
- Greater adaptability: A higher EQ gives you a better mental capacity to deal with changes in a more positive manner
- Better relationships: People with a higher EQ are better at communicating, having tough conversations, understanding the other person, and hence better at building and maintaining relationships
- Better mental health: Along with greater adaptability, people with a higher EQ tend to have a more positive outlook and are less likely to experience depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses
- Better success in adulthood: A high EQ in childhood has been linked to lifelong success, by a study published in the American Journal of Public Health. The study showed how children around the age of 5 who were able to share and follow directions are more likely to obtain college degrees and begin full-time jobs by the age of 25.
What are the five key elements of EQ?
According to Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence has five components:
- Self-awareness
- Self-regulation
- Motivation
- Empathy
- Social Skills
5 ways to build your child's EQ
1. Help your child to be aware of their emotions: When your child displays a certain emotion, and even more so when they are upset or displaying a negative emotion, acknowledge it and label what they are feeling. This will help them understand their own emotional state better, and eventually, they will learn to regulate the same with more control.
Emotional words like angry, upset, sad, disappointed, and painful are important for them to understand, as are positive words like happy, joyful, thrilled, excited, or hopeful.
2. Acknowledge their emotions and show empathy: Parents are their children's first teachers and primary role models. When you respond to our children's emotions empathetically, they learn the appropriate response to situations too. Even if you don't agree with their behavior, acknowledge that you understand it and respond appropriately.
This also validates their feelings and helps them understand their own behavior better. When you tell them you understand their feelings, it negates the need for their continued protest and ends the tantrum too. Thus, teaching them to self-regulate their emotions.
3. Model appropriate ways to express feelings: In addition to knowing that their feelings are understood, kids also need to learn how to appropriately express their emotions. This helps them learn to deal with their emotions and pass through them instead of holding them in or repress them.
So, when you are feeling an emotion, don't be afraid to tell your child how you feel, why you feel that way, and show them how to respond to the situation.
4. Teach them healthy coping mechanisms: Teach your children how to respond to negative emotions. Teach them to breathe or count to ten when they are feeling a negative emotion. Box breathing is also a great skill to know. You can even show them how to channel their feelings positively or creatively by encouraging them to color, draw, listen to music, or read something humorous, when they are upset.
5. Teach them problem-solving skills: Emotions are a signal to the body that we are feeling positively or negatively about something. Teach your children to acknowledge this to you or themselves (once they are older), and work through them without necessarily needing to act on them.
Once feelings are acknowledged and understood, there sometimes comes a need to problem-solve or address any issues that need to be dealt with. Initially, you can take the lead but eventually, step back and act as a guide while they navigate their problems themselves.
The most important thing though to developing well-rounded, emotionally equipped, and intelligent children is to communicate with them. Address their fears, label their emotions, guide them through their problems and watch them flourish.
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